3 years ago today I started this,here blog to record and compile moments of infinity.I pick out things I wrote on my journal that cannot stay unseen & unappreciated and write it on this blob.WELL .. that was how I felt about it three years ago.Looking back now I realized it has been one helluva embarrassments for you to witness so forgive me.It took every inch of my muscle to stop myself from deleting everything.But thinking about it,I'm kinda grateful for my old self for giving me something to actually reflect on.
As a fourteen-year-old I let myself write bad compositions and crappy blog posts because I knew then that it would at least be funny to look back on.But of course, the idea of a time when I'd ever be looking back was nebulous to the point of being unimaginable because I had wanted so much to stay there forever.My teendom.
When I finally came to terms with the fact that the world wouldn't go on a standstill, I figured a way to preserve it.And that's when the compulsive writing began.It was before the beginning of my senior year in high school when I'd completely neglected this,here blog to devote my time in writing everything.And not just my everyday life like I had been doing since junior year but everything.About myself,the things I like,how I feel and my ever-evolving beliefs.My journals are the most important things to me right now and no one will ever see it.(yep, not McDonald's fries anymore.I know!)
On my last year in high school I met the most amazing people.I was lucky to have the chance to spend my last days in high school with them (bec. high school is always relevant when talking about teendom). A lot of beautiful,vivacious & infinite moments to fill up my journals with.I want everything to be aesthetically cohesive and perfect.So that the nostalgia will feel extra good.
With this mission to translate my teenage existence to paper I often worried that my experiences has become too self-aware.Like, when a day is going really well I take a mental note of what I was feeling and thinking at the exact moment, forgetting to just experience everything without the need to document.I can see the whole occasion as a third person or as Nick Carraway describes it in The Great Gatsby I was "within and without." When an event has only been happening I can already imagine how I'll write it down in my journal.Sometimes I do things just because I think recording it would be priceless.
But really,all this documenting is just a way of coping with my anxiety of turning into an adult.Not knowing how to talk to people when I’m no longer an enchantingly eloquent kid, but just another adult.And really,it's just my idea that all adults are wearisome,boring and jaded.I just don't want to leave the remarkable peculiarity of teendom.When we experience all kinds of things for the first time.As do our hormones which will never again be this crazed or experience things as either so bleak or Technicolor.And when egocentrism is still acceptable because we have not yet understood that we are not the center of the world.But I dont I don't consign to this kind of lifestyle myself.
I still have a bit of time left.I wont be a legal adult until August.But if we use high school as a timeline my own personal teendom is well over.And I'm terrified.
I still have a bit of time left.I wont be a legal adult until August.But if we use high school as a timeline my own personal teendom is well over.And I'm terrified.
